Why It’s So Hard to Ask for Help — and How to Do It Anyway
You’re running on empty. Juggling everything and trying not to drop anything. The pressure’s been building for a while now, but you keep telling yourself it’s fine. You can handle it. You always do.
And yet, deep down, you know you could use a hand. Someone to talk to. Someone to share the load. But the words don’t come out. You sit with it. Alone.
If you’ve ever felt like asking for help is too hard, you’re not broken. You’re human. And you’re not alone.
Why asking for help feels so uncomfortable
On paper, it sounds simple: if you’re struggling, ask someone for support. But in practice, it can feel impossible.
Maybe you’ve been taught that strength means handling things on your own. Maybe you worry about being a burden, looking weak, or being rejected. Or maybe the idea of admitting you’re not coping feels like failure.
For many of us, asking for help triggers shame — the deep fear that we’re not enough. It taps into childhood lessons, cultural expectations, or past experiences where vulnerability wasn’t safe. The result? Silence. Struggle. And disconnection.
What it costs you to keep it all in
When you don’t ask for help, you carry more than you need to. The mental load grows heavier. Stress becomes burnout. Frustration becomes resentment. And isolation becomes the norm.
It’s not just that you’re doing more than you should — it’s that you’re doing it alone, while telling yourself you shouldn’t need support.
The irony? Most people would gladly help if they knew you needed it. But we’re so good at looking fine on the outside that no one realises what’s going on inside.
Morgan Byas
Redefining strength and support
We often equate strength with independence. But real strength is knowing your limits, and having the courage to reach out anyway.
Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re helpless. It means you’re human. It means you understand that life is complex, and that sharing the load isn’t failure; it’s smart, sustainable, and relational.
Support doesn’t have to be big or dramatic. It can be someone helping with school pick-up, listening to you vent, or sending a meal. Sometimes the smallest acts make the biggest difference.
How to ask for help when it feels awkward
Let’s be honest: asking for help might never feel easy. But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
Here’s what can help:
→ Keep it simple. You don’t need a perfect script. Just say, “I could use some help,” or “Do you have a minute to talk?”
→ Be specific. The clearer you are about what you need, the easier it is for others to step in.
→ Own the discomfort. It’s OK to say, “This is hard for me to ask.” Most people will respect the vulnerability it takes to speak up.
→ Choose someone you trust. You’re allowed to be selective. Asking for help is safest when the relationship feels secure.
You don’t need to be in crisis. You just need to be honest with yourself and someone else.
If the response isn’t what you hoped for
Sometimes, the hardest part isn’t asking, it’s not being met the way you need. Maybe the other person is distracted, dismissive, or just doesn’t get it.
It can feel crushing. But remember:
One response doesn’t define your worth. And it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try again.
Not everyone will show up the way you need. But someone will. Try again, with someone else. Because you still deserve support.
Final thought: You don’t have to carry it alone
You weren’t meant to do life solo. You’re allowed to need things. You’re allowed to ask. And you’re allowed to be met with care, not judgment.
Support isn’t a weakness. It’s a lifeline. And every time you ask, even in a whisper, you’re choosing connection over isolation.
Let that be enough. Let yourself be helped.
—MRB
My goal is to help people thrive in a complex world. While I write as a psychologist, this content is general in nature, does not constitute a therapeutic relationship, and is not a substitute for personalised mental healthcare advice. Further, some posts may include affiliate links to resources I recommend. Read my full site policy here.
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